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Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Big knickers!

Recently, when I received a wedding invitation in the mail I got pretty excited. I skimmed over all the usual details, date, time, venue, but my eyes stopped when I came to the dress code. 'Glamorous'. Hmm, I was puzzled. Is this something new? I'm used to dress codes such as 'formal', 'semi formal', 'informal', 'smart casual', etc. I've never come across 'glamorous' before. Gee, am I that out of touch? Whatever, I'll figure it out, the confusion disappears and excitement takes over as I realise that I have the chance to get all dressed up, or as in this case I get to get all glamed up.... Little did I realise that this would prove to be a bit of a challenge!

Being a mum of two, I cannot just take off on a whim and hit every dress store within a 50km radius. A shopping trip takes much organisation. Firstly I decide I will shop when the 3 year old son is at pre-school, then I am only left with one child. But, I cannot shop without the help of another adult because what will I do with the baby while I try on clothes, the pram wont fit in the change room cubicle. So who better than to rely on other than my own mum. Besides being great help, my mum is brutally honest, which is fully appreciated. Okay, all organised, in the week leading up to the wedding we hit the local plaza. (Yes, we left it to the last minute, to take full advantage of all weight loss).

We hit the stores first thing in the morning. Like most girls in this situation, I had some preferences in regards to colour, style and length, most importantly I had to be able to breast feed in the frock. We went from store to store trying on everything that fitted into my ideals. Nothing seemed quite right, so I dropped some of the less important preferences such as colour and tried on more items even though they weren't my favourite colour. A few hours later I still hadn't come close to finding anything that I really liked. Nothing was in my favour, anything I really liked didn't have my size left, and I was struggling to figure out which size I was because size 12 fit well but didn't contain my bust (breastfeeding!) but when I tried the next size up it would look saggy in places. I tried to keep a cheery disposition as one by one all my preferences disappeared. It even got to the point where I didn't care if I couldn't breastfeed in the dress, I'd find a private spot where I could strip off down to the waist, and bare my breast with confidence to feed my little infant. So, with no choice in the matter, I tried on everything. Ew, god it was scarey. All the satin frocks showed every lump and bump, I'd lost some weight but clearly not enough! I went home that day, exhausted, fat and empty handed!

The next day we hit the shops again, this time with the three year old in tow and not so much excitement as the day before.....but it didn't matter because I had a plan!
Control - top - panties!
Yes, thats right, these panties were going to save the day. My first mission for the day was to buy a pair.
I had a look in the underwear department and found something that seemed to be promising, better than 'control-top-panties', these were called 'shapewear'. Shape wear comes in a range of designs (see them here), and they all promise to "instantly reduce your dress size". I decieded to try the full body suit, which looked like a one-piece cossie, and the 'high waist bottom shape brief'. I tried the cossie type on first, it was firm, fit just like a swimsuit would, didn't really do much for me though. So I went to try on the brief, the material was much thicker, tighter, I wondered if I could get it on.
I slipped one leg in, then the other and proceeded to pull them up. When the waist band was just above my knee things started to get tricky. I tried to tug the pants up by pulling up on the left side then the right, then the left again. I was struggling to get a good grip, my knees where pinned together, the elastic was so damed tight, I pulled and pulled and managed to get the waist band to my hips. I let go of the waist band to gain composure (and wipe the sweat off my brow). Ow ow ouch! The bloody thing was cutting off all blood circulation to my legs, it was going to bruise! I grabbed on to both side of the panties and tried to shake myself into them, "urgh" I grunted aloud! I felt like a human pillow, shaking myself into the pillow case! My three year old son pokes his head under the cubicle door, "What you doing mum?" The pants had made it to my waist line, but they needed to get up high, right under my breasts. I had folds of flesh hanging over them, I proceeded to "tuck" myself into these darn pants. My sons head retracted "My mum has a fat tummy" he announces to my mum, clearly loud enough for the rest of the change room patrons to hear, as well as anyone who may be walking by outside! Finally the panties are on. Oooh, I like these. I really do look slimmer, smoother, and flatter! They are comfy, I move around, dance a little, sit and stand again, the panties don't budge. Surprisingly once they are in the right spot they are very comfy, not tight at all. I was definitely a size smaller (if it wasn't the panties than it was from all the sweating I just did trying to get the things on!). These were a must have. I took the panties off, much easier then getting them on, I simply popped out like a muffin from a silicon tray. All I can say is thank god for the button up crutch, because there is no way you could get these on and off more than once in a day! After this purchase everything fell into place, I found a nice dress, bought myself some modern jewellery, and dug out a pair of sexy black heels that I wore once before to my graduation. I scrubbed up okay, pretty glam actually, all thanks to my 'shapewear', see, I bet you thought big knickers were just for grannies, uh uh, this mummy wears them with pride! ; )